Deserving Goodness

All this social theory that I've been reading is getting to me. And, it is working to Turner's benefit. Sometimes the best way to bring about change in one's behavior is to reward that which was previously off limits of reward. Engage the argument rather than shut it off...

What better way to engage the argument than through the belly. At least, that is the most direct path for me.

Turner has had a rough week at home. His behavior at school has been good (naps some days even), but once he gets home and around both Andy and I, he is transformed into this little being with a large opinion and desires who adamantly refuses to compromise or adhere to rules of anti-embarrassment. His table demeanor, for example, has been a space of strong resistance for more than a few weeks. So, last night I suggest to Andy that maybe we, as a family, should go out to eat and be on our best manners. 

Dinner was not pretty.

Today I pick Turner up from school and he has not taken a nap. Ms. Carolyn reluctantly spills the news about time out and hitting and well, you get the drift. He starts to lose his cool about not getting a treat out of the treat box. I sit in the floor with him. We talk for more than a few moments about respectful behavior. 

There are times in my life when I have been a less than ideal friend and, yet, I am surrounded by the most amazing friends. We all deserve goodness, sometimes even when we least expect it.

Turner and I drive down Broadway; not the usual way home. We pass Target. "That's where we get toys sometimes."

"Yes, Turner it is. But we aren't getting a toy today."

"No. I know. But someday. Someday when I don't hit."

"You are a good boy buddy. Everybody has bad days."

"Yeah. Today was a bad day." 

Yes. It was.

"Was it a bad day?"

"Yes Mommy. I was bad all day."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I was just mad all day."

We pull into a parking lot. We walk to the front door. We sit on tall stools. We look at the dessert menu. Turner points to the chocolate cake.

"You want cake?"

"No. I just want that. That white stuff." He points to the whipped cream. I ask him to order it himself. He does: "whipped cream with ice cream and the yummy stuff on top [chocolate]. white ice cream."

We sit in silence for a bit. 

"I'm sorry Mom."

"It's OK buddy. We all have bad days." I go on and on about how special he is and how much fun I have when he goes places with me and acts so nicely.

We read the USA Today (about Rick Pitino's tough road as #3 in a conference of otehr rockstars) . 

We talk about politics for a bit. Me explaining the wise move of Obama's chief of staff.

The ice cream comes and for the next twenty-three minutes I read the paper in silence as Turner ensures every drop hits his mouth.

On the way home Turner says, "That was a great surprise Mom. Thanks for taking me with you. If I act big will you always take me with you?" 

Yep