Yes Ma'am.

We've habituated Mabel to saying "Yes, ma'am." She's adorable as she says it. At first she was most prone to say it when prompted. Generally in desire of a sweet or something to be opened / closed, picked up / put down. Over the course of two weeks, though, the manners have appeared more regularly and unprompted. "Yes ma'am" coming out of a tiny two year old face gets noticed.

When Andy and I first started hanging out, the "ma'am" to ladies felt respectful, but when he called his mother that, it seemed cold and too distanced. Andy considered these terms of endearment and respect. When Turner emerged into our lives, I did not encourage him ma'am-ing me, but Andy was persistent. Turner ma'am'd and sir'd more than he didn't, and it became clear how much people took this habit as a mark of fine parenting. When Turner went to public school and I met other children and talked with his teachers, I finally *got* the importance (and rarity) of this habit starting at home.

Mabel, much like her brother, is a quick learner. Though, she resists gendering language. Where is the English version of "vous" by the way? "Yes ma'am" is her respectful phrase used with everyone, men and women, adults and children. Tonight Andy asks Mabel ten different questions at various points between making dinner (fish tacos) and putting her to bed. At each point she responds with her sweet voice and eyelashes, "Yes, ma'am."  When she misgenders Andy, we respond with "yes, sir" and generally she'll repeat it. This same scenario played out with calling us both Mommy. For months. From my arms she would look across the room to Andy, hold out her arms and whine, "Mommy." We'd sit next to one another and practice saying Daddy and Mommy, pointing to each of us, and she'd giggle as she pointed to us both and said Mommy. She knew Daddy had another name. As I think back, this coincided with weaning. Andy took over putting Mabel to bed at night since I got to snuggle with her at nap time (sharing is caring). Perhaps she associated that comfort with the nighttime physical sensations of full belly and soft songs and book stories that Mommy could offer more for the first year. I also think that Andy does all the same things for Mabel that I do, so why wouldn't she think we should be called the same thing? For now, we continue to correct her. Perhaps someday the English language will develop a "vous" equivalent that names respect and sees gender as less relevant.